Déjà vu
by Rilliane
Summary: In the world they both died for, they meet again, and this time nothing can tear them apart. [Reincarnation fic]


**_AN: This fanfic was kind of inspired by Regina Spektor's 'The Call', and that's where the song lyrics come from. I suggest you listen to it before, during, or after reading this story._**

* * *

 _It started out as a feeling_

 _Which then grew into a hope_

* * *

Shirley didn't know why she found Lelouch Avery so fascinating. Maybe it was his eyes- purple in color and oh so rare. Maybe it was his name – something people rarely considered when choosing the name for their children.

She heard Rivalz teasing him about that a few times, but every time, the raven haired boy just shrugged and said that his mother was eccentric.

Shirley was glad for that. She loved the name, and people be damned.

She also loved the boy to whom it belonged, even though they never talked. They didn't have to, she already felt as if she knew him by heart.

She knew he hated sports even before their first P.E. lesson, that he always drank orange juice for breakfast, and that his favorite past time was to play chess. She also knew that he loved his little sister more than anything in the world.

She saw her once during one of the school festivals. Cute little thing. So full of life and caring for her brother. She loved her too, somehow. There was no reason not to.

Milly constantly teased about her crush and tried to introduce them, but while Shirley blushed and stammered every time, deep down inside she felt miffed. It wasn't _crush_. It was love. Unconditional and infinite.

Every time he smiled, she felt happy, even when it wasn't directed at her. It seemed somehow rare, to see him smiling like that. A real, genuine smile, instead of those that didn't quite reach his eyes. Eyes that hid pain and suffering, and oh so much hate.

Shirley didn't know why her brain imagined him like that, but instead of being sad, she felt glad. Glad that it was only her imagination and not reality.

And, sometimes, he also smiled at her. She always blushed and ducked her head, because she had been staring _again_ , and he _saw._ But Lelouch didn't seem to mind. He never looked strangely at her, nor told anyone about that weird girl who was stalking him.

She wasn't. No, really.

But not all of his smiles were happy. Sometimes, when he thought she wasn't looking, he stared at her with a sad and almost heartbroken expression. It always made her sad too, and she wanted to go to him and tell him not to be worried, because she was here, and she wasn't going anywhere.

It was strange. Every normal girl would think that the guy just didn't like her, not assume that he was sad because she might be _gone._

But Shirley Cortell wasn't a normal girl and she was fully aware of that fact. Normal girls didn't fall in love with a guy they hadn't even met yet.

Because she knew she would fall in love with Lelouch long before they met.

She saw his face and heard his voice in her dreams, even though she couldn't remember any of it in the morning. There was always this sense of longing, like she was lacking something in her life. She never showed any of it, lest her parents be worried, but it was there, deep down inside, waiting. It made her confused, too, because sometimes she woke up drenched in tears, from a dream she didn't remember and could be sad for the rest of the day. She figured she was just strange.

She also didn't know why instead of the general hatred people felt towards the Demon Emperor, she only felt pity and sadness. Maybe if he had someone who loved him like she loved her Lelouch, he wouldn't become so evil.

Maybe. They would never know.

But the world was peaceful now. People didn't die because they had a different skin color, or spoke a different language. Daughters didn't lose their fathers at war. No one had to die for someone else's sake.

She could have a happy ending here. And so could Lelouch.

* * *

 _Which then turned into a quiet thought_

 _Which then turned into a quiet word_

* * *

"Okay, that's it! I can't stand it any longer!

Shirley whirled her head to stare at the boisterous blonde. Milly was standing with her arms crossed, a scowl etched on her usually cheerful face. It couldn't mean anything good. Milly was scary when she was happy, but she could be _terrifying_ when she was upset.

"Stand what?" Asked Shirley reluctantly. Getting tangled up in Milly's plans usually ended badly for everyone involved.

"This!" She waved her arms in the general direction of everything. "You! Him! This is starting to get ridiculous!"

The orangette immediately blushed, because when Milly said _him_ , it could mean only one person. And nothing about him was ridiculous. Milly was just exaggerating, like always.

"You've been staring at each other for almost a year and still haven't said a word to each other! And both of you have avoided _every single attempt_ I made to introduce you. Just. Why."

Milly looked almost lost, and Shirley felt a little sorry for the blonde. It wasn't that she didn't want to truly meet him. It was just… As of now, they lived in a content bliss, together and yet apart. Crossing that line would mean changing everything. If she spoke her feelings out loud, that would make them real. And it's not that she doubted the strength of her affection, oh no, she was perfectly sure of her feelings. But if she spoke them… She could be rejected. And that would hurt.

On one hand, she knew she wasn't totally indifferent to Lelouch. Or maybe she only hoped so, to justify her never-ending affection. But even if she was right, she knew he didn't completely return her feelings. He might've smiled at her, yes, he might've admonished Rivalz when he tried to say something favorable about her… assets, but… He didn't love her.

She wasn't as sad about that as she should've been. If he was happy, then so was she, even if she wasn't the source of his happiness.

But that didn't seem to appease Milly.

"It ends today. You two _will_ meet, even if I have to tie you up and lock you in a closet," she declared resolutely.

Shirley sweatdropped, then actually felt afraid, because Milly _would really do this_. And the mere thought of getting locked up in a closet with Lelouch made her go red.

Was this really the day? The one that she had been waiting for all her life? She didn't feel anything special when she woke up, and it didn't change now. Yet, all Milly's attempts seemed somehow inaccurate. She hadn't even avoided all of them on purpose, something just always seemed to get in the way. One time her father got sick and her mother asked her to buy some medicine, another Mrs. Viletta called for a sudden training and another… Well. Let's just say that there were many sudden accidents.

But Milly was staring at her with a determined expression, and she knew she wouldn't give up, so the orangette just shrugged and smiled lightly.

"Alright."

If it was meant to be, they would meet.

* * *

When classes ended, Milly led her to a bench on the school grounds where Nina Watson was already waiting. Shirley supposed Milly needed someone to keep an eye on her while she went to look for Lelouch. For the first time that day, Shirley felt something churning in her stomach. Would they really talk today? Or would they just stand in silence, awkwardly shuffling their feet, not knowing what to say? God, that would be awful. What if Lelouch really didn't want to talk to her and would feel forced?

"Are you alright?" Asked Nina worriedly, and Shirley realized that she might've been hyperventilating. Forcing herself to remain calm, she sent her friend a reassuring smile. "Yes, don't worry."

That seemed to calm the bespectacled girl, and she returned to reading the book she brought with herself.

Shirley took a deep breath and counted to ten. There was nothing to worry about. If they indeed managed to meet, it would be together with Milly and Nina, so there was no chance for awkward silence. Milly wouldn't let it. They'd talk about inane things, like classes, their hobbies and so on. It didn't matter that she already knew everything. Maybe he'd prove her wrong, and she'd discover that everything she thought she knew was just her imagination. It probably was. Still didn't stop her from yearning.

She was just nodding to herself, when suddenly, a black cat crossed her vision. There was something strange about him, though, like he had a… hat? on top of his head. And was running away with it.

"Catch that cat!" Someone shouted, and, before she knew it, Shirley was running straight after the animal, dodging all the students that happened to be in her way. The cat disappeared through a door that led into the school, so Shirley jumped right after it. No animals were allowed on the school grounds!

She had to stop inside because there was no sight of the animal anywhere. She was about to resign herself to blindly looking around when a meow was heard from somewhere above, and she darted to the stairs to follow it.

The cat turned out to be sitting on a windowsill on the third floor, wearing, indeed, a hat. A black fedora hat, to be exact, though maybe 'wearing' wasn't the right word. It was almost falling off his head, and Shirley was surprised he managed to keep it on for so long. A cat luck, it seemed.

"Kitty, kitty," she murmured soothingly, slowly taking steps forward. She wasn't sure if the fact that they were on the third floor would stop the cat from jumping, and she didn't want to risk that. Cat or not, it was the third floor! Way to high for poor cats to jump.

"Kitty, kit—" she stopped in her tracks when the cat turned around, then darted forward when she saw that he was preparing to jump. "No!"

But it was too late. The animal disappeared outside the window, and Shirley stared after him with a terrified expression. Fortunately, it turned out that cats really _did_ have nine lives, because the feline gracefully landed on his paws and ran away.

Shirley breathed a sigh of relief and leaned on the windowsill. It was only after a few moments that she realized that the cat dropped something. Crouching down, she picked up the hat and turned it in her hands.

It was nice, she supposed. Rather plain, and not something people usually wore, but that probably spoke about the owner's unusual taste. Speaking of which, who did it belong to? Should she bring it to the principal? Or maybe she'd just bring it to Milly, the blonde always knew everything about everyone.

She was so engrossed in her thoughts that she didn't realize that she was no longer alone in the corridor. When she finally raised her head, she found herself staring straight into two pools of purple. For a moment, everything was quiet. Then, acting on instinct, she raised her hand that was holding the hat and stretched it out towards the person opposite her.

One second, two. He took it.

"Thank you," he breathed, and it was so quiet Shirley wasn't sure if she hadn't imagined it. She might have- she was pretty sure she heard those words before. But she still couldn't stop the smile from coming onto her face, and the words left her mouth before she could think them through.

"You're welcome."

* * *

 _And then that word grew louder and louder_

 _Till it was a battle cry_

* * *

They did talk about inane things after that. She told him that Mrs. Viletta doubled their training every week because of the upcoming inter-school competition, and he, in turn, told her about the chess tournament he was going to participate in. She jokingly said that at least he wasn't illegally gambling, and wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry at his embarrassed expression.

He said that his sister would be having a birthday party the next week, and would she like to come?

And yes, of course she would, Nunnally was a sweet angel and she'd love to see her again.

During that conversation, it never crossed her mind that she had never truly met Nunnally Avery before. Or that it was unnatural to invite people you just met into your house.

And, most of all, she completely forgot that it was, in fact, her first conversation with the man she loved all her life.

* * *

When they parted sometime later, she returned to the spot where she left Nina and found a fuming Milly instead. The girl was stomping her feet on the ground and looked ready to open her mouth and say something, when suddenly she paused, looking strangely at Shirley.

"You look… different," she said finally, glancing at her friend suspiciously. "What happened?"

Shirley realized only after a moment that she was probably grinning like an idiot. With an effort, she tried to smooth her expression to something more normal, but the smile remained etched on her face.

"Oh… nothing new."

Milly stared at her for a few more moments before her face broke into a huge smile, and she draped her arm over the younger girl's shoulders.

"Ooh," she squealed. "It looks like my two lovebirds finally hit it off!"

"M-Milly," stammered Shirley, blushing. Did Milly always have to embarrass her in public?

"So, now that we have that out of the way," she said cheerfully, "when are the two of you going on a date?"

"Umm…"

Milly looked at her inquisitively, and Shirley knew she wouldn't be getting out of this so easily. With a sigh, she said: "He invited me to Nunna's birthday."

Milly opened her mouth, then closed it. She stared at her for a few moments before finally muttering: "Huh."

"Huh?" Echoed Shirley. What kind of reaction was that? Shouldn't she have been happy? She had been drilling her about her crush for a whole year, and all she gets now is a 'Huh'?

The blonde girl put a finger to her mouth and glanced at Shirley with half-lidded eyes.

"I'm not sure what to think about that," she stated. "I'm probably going to admonish Lelouch later about the actual definition of 'date', but…" Here she paused, looking strangely at Shirley. "But if he takes you to meet his sister, it's like he's taking you to meet his parents. _On your first date."_

Shirley immediately blushed bright red after that and tried to free herself from the blonde girl's grasp, only to be squeezed by her even harder.

"Well, congratulations Shirley! It seems like your dreams are coming true!" Milly gushed, once again back to her jovial personality.

And while she flailed and cried for Milly to let her go, Shirley couldn't help but feel warm inside.

Yes. Her dreams might've been finally coming true.

* * *

Shirley wasn't sure what Milly meant by the whole 'meeting your sister' thing, because it turned out that a lot more people were invited to the party. There was Milly of course, and so was Nina, and even Kallen Hsiung had come. Rivalz was there too, together with a boy she never talked to before- Suzaku. There were also two people she had never seen before (even though it felt like she did)- Cornelia and Euphy Avery. She was told by Milly that the two girls (one woman) were Lelouch and Nunnally's cousins. She wondered why there weren't any of Nunnally's friends present, but Milly explained that the girl would be throwing a second party for them.

Besides Cornelia, there were no other adults in the house, and Shirley decided not to ask about that.

Back at home, she baked a small cake and bought Nunnally a big plushie giraffe, which the girl accepted gratefully with a big happy smile etched onto her face. She had such pretty purple eyes, just like her brother. Shirley found herself wishing she never had to close them again.

After the introductions, which went smoothly ("Of course you can call me Nunna! I feel like we already know each other!") they sat at the table and talked. She found herself fascinated by some of her peers' stories. She never talked to Kallen much, and she found out that the girl was going to become policewomen. Lelouch remarked that it was very fitting, and got an apple thrown at him for his efforts. Everyone laughed at that.

Suzaku Kazui worked as a taxi driver after school hours, and he had the ambition to become a pilot in the future. He remarked that he had the support of a certain eccentric family friend, so he had high hopes for that actually coming true. Shirley definitely wished him good luck.

But, most of all, she wanted to hear what a particular black haired boy had in mind.

"After high school, I'm going to study law at the Royal University in New Pendragon."

That statement didn't seem to surprise anyone, and Shirley found herself nodding along. Of course, he had to uphold the laws that his sister made for his sake.

"And what about you, Shirley?" Asked Nunnally gently.

Shirley opened her mouth to answer her, then closed it. What about her, indeed? When she was younger, she had all sort of plans for the future, like becoming a doctor, an actress, a seamstress, even. But they were always only distant whims, something she never put much thought into. Only now she realized that she would be finishing high school in two years and she still didn't have any definite plans.

"I don't know yet," she admitted sheepishly, avoiding everyone's gaze.

"Hey, don't worry Shirley, I don't know what I want to do either!" Exclaimed Rivalz, while Milly coughed from beside him and said dryly: "Besides reading your porn magazines, you mean."

Everyone laughed, Rivalz blushed bright red, while Lelouch hissed to Milly to watch her language around his sister. But Nunnally giggled too, even though she pretended not to understand what the word meant, and Shirley felt like finally, all puzzles fell into place.

They were together, and they were happy. And that's how it was always supposed to be.

* * *

 _I'll come back_

 _When you call me_

 _No need to say goodbye_

* * *

After the party, Lelouch walked her to the door.

"Did you have fun?" He asked.

Shirley smiled brilliantly and nodded her head.

"Yes! It was really nice," she said sincerely, then giggled, "Especially when your cousin started to chase Suzaku around with a fork…"

Lelouch chuckled at that, but there was some distant look in his eyes when he glanced back to the house. It was the same expression he often directed at her- wistfulness and a bit of sadness. As well as regret.

"Cornelia can be… very protective of Euphy. But she always means well."

Just like you, she thought but didn't say it aloud. What could you say to a man who built a new world just for the sake of his sister?

"They deserve to be happy," she said instead. "Euphy and Suzaku, I mean. I'm sure Cornelia thinks that too."

He looked at her a bit strangely, before averting his gaze.

"Yes," he said quietly, "they do."

They settled into a silence that wasn't completely uncomfortable, but sad and wistful instead. Shirley's mind automatically drifted to kind green eyes that were so happy and full of hope, only to turn into two pools of regret. To pink hair splashed with blood, after only trying to help.

To two friends torn by hate and regret, who could never quite forgive and forget.

"Are you crying?"

Lelouch's voice brought Shirley out of her reverie, and, with a start, she realized that she had been, indeed, crying. She quickly wiped the tears from her eyes and sent him a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.

"Something got in my eye," she lied, not really expecting him to buy it. But one look told her that he understood her perfectly, and that was enough to make some of the earlier sadness go away.

"Ah, do you…" Lelouch scratched the back of his head, and for the first time, Shirley thought that he looked embarrassed. "I realize… that probably wasn't the perfect place for our first… Anyway, do you want to go out some other time?"

Shirley felt the heat coming to her face and didn't quite trust herself to make a coherent response, so she nodded her head instead, hiding behind her orange fringe.

Milly must have been true to her word, then. She wasn't sure whether she wanted to kill the blonde for meddling in other people's business or thank her. She'd probably try both.

Lelouch sent her a sincere smile after that, and Shirley felt butterflies in her stomach.

 _He looked so nice when he smiled._

"Wonderful," he said, "I'll call you then."

Her father's car stopped in front of the house a few minutes later, and Lelouch opened his mouth to bid her a farewell, only for Shirley to put a finger to his mouth and shake her head with a smile

"No, don't say goodbye," she scolded him lightly. "See you later!"

Lelouch stared at her for a few moments with wide eyes, before finally shaking his head and giving her a small, bemused smile.

"You're one of a kind, Shirley," he breathed, before bending down and kissing her on the cheek. "See you later."

* * *

 _Just because everything's changing_

 _Doesn't mean it's never_

 _Been this way before_

* * *

For their third 'meeting' Lelouch took her to an ice cream parlor. She spent almost fifteen minutes choosing the right flavors ("There's just too many! I can't decide!"), before finally settling on pistachio and vanilla. Lelouch ordered orange and chocolate, and they sat down at their table.

It was strange, Shirley thought, that they felt so comfortable around each other. She never dated anyone before (like she could, with her mind conjuring up images of raven haired princes with those oh so purple eyes), but she heard plenty from the girls in her class to know that first dates were supposed to be a little bit awkward and _new_. New experiences, new feelings, new _everything_.

Oh, she still felt a little embarrassed and blushed every time he said something nice or touched her hand, but there wasn't that feeling of novelty. She already had one year to come to terms with her feelings, after they started high school and saw each other for the first time.

At first, it was shocking, because _he was real_ , and _she hadn't imagined him_. Or maybe she had, but it didn't matter because he was there and she was ecstatic.

That year when they only sent each other silent smiles made her realize that yes, she had fallen in love with a dream, but dreams sometimes became reality, and you should never give up on them.

Somehow, she always knew they would eventually end up like that, talking and laughing, and silently reminiscing dreams that might or might not have been a reality once upon a time. But, hopefully, this time they wouldn't end as a tragedy.

"I have two tickets to _Marzenni_ the next week," she said eventually, biting on the cake she ordered after eating her ice cream. "Would you like to go with me?"

And, for some reason, she felt inconceivable joy when he nodded his head in agreement.

* * *

The concert turned out to be a novelty for them both. She had never been to one, and neither had Lelouch. It was loud, it was crowdy, it was _wonderful_. She had been to a lot of festivals before, but never had she felt such vigorous atmosphere. She felt excited, she felt happy, she felt _young_. That was what teenagers should be doing, instead of fighting wars and killing people.

Lelouch looked a little overwhelmed at first, but he quickly caught on, and soon they were both shouting to _Marzenni_ words.

Yes, Shirley thought, a lot of things might've seemed familiar and cozy, but they still had a lot of new experiences to uncover.

And, this time, no war or masked terrorists would get in their way.

* * *

 _All you can do is try to know_

 _Who your friends are_

 _As you head off to the war_

* * *

A year rolled around quickly enough, and soon they were getting ready for the summer vacations. The end of their second year also meant another thing- Milly would be graduating this summer, and she definitely wasn't going to leave without a blast.

"I'm throwing a party! And all of you will come, lest you want to suffer a painful death!"

'All of you' turned out to mean Shirley, Lelouch, Nina, Rivalz, Suzaku, and Kallen. She had never put much thought into why the blonde never hang out with people her own age, because it seemed so natural and obvious. Like, they _should_ be together, and nothing would change that.

Milly's party was going to be held at _Ashford's Restaurant,_ and Shirley giggled when she heard it for the first time.

"So we're going back to Ashford, huh?"

Milly ignored her strange comment and instead told them to remember to dress up. Shirley was glad that at least she didn't force them to wear any ridiculous outfits to this event.

* * *

 _Ashford's Restaurant_ turned out to be a really fancy place, and Shirley felt a little bit strange among all those elegant people, living their lives like they had all the time in the world.

It was sad, that everything could end in one moment.

They had their own lounge, and soon the table was filled with food and drinks. But since it was Milly's party, it couldn't lack alcohol.

"M-Milly!" Squeaked Nina. "Most of us is still underage!"

"Oh, come on," said the blonde dismissively. "It's my farewell party! Besides, it's only champagne. Don't be such a prude, Nina."

Shirley certainly doubted that it would be 'only champagne', but found herself reluctant to say anything. Milly was happy, and if that was what it took to keep her that way, then be it.

They got two waiters who constantly moved to and fro between the kitchen and their table. One was a joyous blonde boy who resembled Milly so much in both personality and appearance, that if she didn't know any better, Shirley would think they were siblings. The other was a petite girl with pink hair, who seemed more interested in her mobile phone than doing her job.

Though, to be honest, neither of them actually did much work. Gino (because that was the boy's name) immediately got along with everyone at the table and spent more time eating their food than serving it. Anya, while very quiet, delighted in taking pictures at every possible occasion, so Milly was ecstatic to have her around. The photo album would be filled to the brim.

On one occasion, she heard Kallen muttering to Lelouch 'It's good to be back', and saw him nod with a little sad smile.

Yes, thought Shirley, finally they were together again, and this time, they would stay that way.

* * *

 _Pick a star on the dark horizon_

 _And follow the light_

* * *

The first time she met Rolo Calisbury, he hid under a bed and refused to come out. It took Lelouch, Shirley, _and_ Nunnally to finally drag him out of there, and they managed it only after twenty minutes. Well, it was a big bed.

Even after that, he sat hunched on a chair and completely avoided her gaze, even going so far as to tune out her words. It was only thanks to Nunnally that he hadn't bolted out of the house yet, and even that was done reluctantly.

Nunnally was, in short, furious.

"Rolo, what's gotten into you! Shirley's been so nice, and you treat her like that! Apologize, now!"

Rolo muttered something under his breath that was probably supposed to be an apology, but he didn't look her in the eyes and still acted like she didn't exist.

"It's alright Nunnally, I really don't mind…" Shirley trailed off, seeing Nunnally's 'Don't you dare' expression.

The little girl crossed her arms and stomped her foot on the floor, an adorable pout adorning her face.

"Rooolo…"

The boy finally raised his head and forced himself to look at Shirley. The orangette wasn't sure what she expected to see in his eyes, but what she saw- hurt, confusion, regret- pierced her heart.

Rolo had such pretty eyes too, almost the same shade like Lelouch and Nunnally, and she couldn't stand to see them filled with so much pain.

With a firm resolve, she took a step forward and kneeled before the boy, taking his hands in hers. Rolo immediately reeled back, but she didn't let him, holding him firmly.

"Rolo, look at me," she said gently to the boy. It took him a minute, but the boy finally turned his head and stared into her green eyes, this time not being able to tear his gaze away. Shirley sent him a kind smile, one that was supposed to be both reassuring and encouraging. "It's alright, Rolo. Everything's fine. You don't have to feel guilty about anything."

Purple eyes filled with tears, and soon Shirley was embracing the boy who was now shaking with sobs. Nunnally joined them a moment later, and only after a while had Shirley realized that they both had been crying, salty tears soaking their clothes. But it wasn't sad tears this time, and Shirley felt some sort of Catharsis.

Lelouch shuffled his feet somewhere in the corner of the room, and Shirley caught him sending her a grateful look.

Yes, if she could forgive Lelouch for killing her father, how could she not forgive Rolo for killing her?

After all, nothing was unforgivable.

* * *

 _You'll come back_

 _When it's over_

 _No need to say goodbye_

* * *

At the start of spring, Shirley had probably the weirdest encounter in her life. She was sitting on a bench in the Crayston Park, reading a book, when suddenly a girl with long green hair stopped right in front of her and asked: "Do you mind if I sit down?"

"Umm…"

"I have pizza," she stated, like it should be obvious, and, without waiting for an answer, she plopped down next to Shirley, immediately taking out one slice of the pizza. She shoved the box right under the orange haired girl's nose, in an inviting manner.

"Err, thanks, I'll pass."

The green haired girl only shrugged her shoulders and said: "More for me."

They sat like that for a few minutes, the strange girl chewing on her pizza and Shirley staring at her in complete bemusement. Eventually, after the girl seemed more preoccupied with her food than anything else, Shirley tried to return to her book, but found it impossible because of the loud munching. She was just about to get up and find some other place, when the girl spoke:

"Do you believe in fate?"

That actually startled Shirley so much that she dropped her book, staring at the girl with wide eyes. But the newcomer wasn't looking at her, instead choosing to stare into space with a wistful look on her face.

"I think I do," she answered her own question. "Though, before, I thought it was just Fatum. I've seen empires rise and fall, great people become corrupted with power, good people die because of someone else's mistakes…" she trailed off.

"And yet I still tried. I told myself I didn't care, only to be heartbroken at the end," she mused sadly. "You know, when I saw him again, I thought that maybe, maybe that was a second chance…"

Shirley felt her heart sinking and face going pale. _No, please don't_. Don't cause that grief again, don't take him away, _please_.

The girl finally turned to look at her, and Shirley didn't know what to make of the sad smile that adorned her face.

"But... I realized that I couldn't do that. I couldn't take away that happiness. It is really a second chance, just, not for me," she brushed her hair back from her face and got to her feet. "Take care of him, would you? God knows he deserves to finally be happy."

Shirley nodded dumbly and was about to say something, _anything_ , but the girl was gone before she could even open her mouth.

That day, she went to the church and prayed for poor, lonely souls.

* * *

Now we're back to the beginning

It's just a feeling and no one knows yet

* * *

They spent the last months of high school alternating between having as much fun as possible and slowly studying for their upcoming exams.

At the end of April, annual swimming competition rolled around, and Shirley had even less time to spend with her friends and her boyfriend (?).

At the day of the actual competition, everyone, including Milly, Gino, and Anya, gathered at the pool and cheered for her from the stands. She won. That earned her a proud hug from Coach Viletta and healthy slapping on the back from her friends.

After that, they went for ice cream to celebrate her victory.

"Ahh, it's so nice to be back with you, guys," sighed Milly. "My job is killing me."

Lelouch looked at her askance.

"I thought you liked your job."

"I do! But every job is tiiiring."

"Especially when you can't delegate it to someone else?" Asked Lelouch dryly, and everyone laughed.

"How rude of you! You'd make a terrible underling!"

"I should hope so. Serving under you would mean certain death."

"From embarrassment," added Rivalz.

They talked like that for a few more hours, until eventually everyone started to disperse. Lelouch and Shirley were about to offer to walk together with Suzaku home, but he shook his head with a smile and said: "No, you guys go ahead. I'm meeting with Euphy in thirty minutes anyway."

"You should bring her with you the next time, you know," Shirley said, and Suzaku sent her a small smile.

"I will."

* * *

Instead of going straight home, they chose to take a walk by the river. Shirley felt content then, walking like that, holding hands, and not having to worry about problems other than her own.

Lelouch seemed happy too, and, for a while, they just walked in comfortable silence, passing other couples, friends, and families. Eventually, he spoke up:

"Do you already know what you want to do after high school?"

Shirley twirled an orange strand of hair in between her fingers, before raising her head and looking straight into his eyes.

"Yes. I want to become a nurse. I'm going to apply for a college in New York."

She searched his face for any signs of discontent, and, not finding any, she smiled.

"I know it's far away from New Pendragon, but it's only four years, and we will still be able to see each other on breaks, and Christmas, and, and, I'm even willing to fly to and fro every weekend, and…"

"Shirley," Lelouch placed his hands on her arms and looked deep into her eyes, and Shirley felt mesmerized by those purple orbs. "Don't worry. If that's what you want, then we will think of something. It's not like there's any hurry."

And when he bent down to kiss her, Shirley found herself smiling, because yes, they had all the time in the world, and no one could take it away from them.

* * *

 _But just because they can't feel it too_

 _Doesn't mean that you have to forget_

* * *

Shirley often wondered if the rest of her friends felt the same things as her. Did they feel that pull towards each other, that energy that seemed to push them together no matter what? Or did they just assume it was a normal order of things, that they had to hang out with _someone_ at school?

She never asked, not even Lelouch. Saying it out loud would somehow break the charm, and she didn't want that.

All she had were Kallen's wistful glances when they discussed Zero and the Demon Emperor in History classes, or Suzaku's flinches every time the topic of The Massacre Princess was brought up.

Once, during the summer vacations, she found herself taking a stroll in the park with Anya Lindsay. Somehow, the petite girl together with the exuberant blonde became a permanent part of their group, and Shirley couldn't be gladder. She really liked the duo, even though Anya didn't talk much.

But she loved to share her pictures, and so they spent most of their time scrolling through the touchpad of her mobile phone.

"Why do you like taking pictures so much?" She asked the girl, and it took a while before Anya answered.

"I don't want to forget anything."

"Do you have problems with your memory?"

"No," she replied, and Shirley thought she heard some sad note in her usually bland voice. "Just in case."

* * *

During dinner, she suddenly asked her father: "Have you ever thought of becoming a soldier?"

The older man put down the newspaper he was reading and looked at her with a bemused expression.

"No. Why would I?"

Shirley shrugged and shook her head, because, really, why would he? There were no wars to fight and no countries to defend. People rarely thought of joining the military these days.

"I think I could," he mused suddenly, and Shirley looked up from her plate. "To consider it, I mean. If there was ever the need."

Shirley leaned across the table and grasped his hands.

"Please don't," she breathed, and her father only smiled, ruffling her hair.

"Don't worry, Britannia's not like it used to be. And I'm too old for a sudden change of career anyway."

And those were one of the most reassuring words she had ever heard.

* * *

 _Let your memories grow stronger and stronger_

 _Till they're before your eyes_

* * *

"Doesn't it ever bother you?" Asked Lelouch one time, when they were sitting on the grass in the Crayston Park, leaning against each other.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you know," he gestured vaguely with his arms, before sagging in resignation. "Me, Suzaku, Nunnally. Even Cornelia and Euphemia."

"You mean Euphy."

"…of course."

"Well, I think it's funny."

Lelouch stared at her like she'd grown a second head.

"Funny?" He echoed blankly.

"Yes. You don't think so?"

" No. People look strangely at me when they hear only _mine_ name, but they quickly shrug it off as a result of eccentric parents or maybe French origins. When they hear the rest? Well, at best it's awkward. At worst it's disturbing. And sometimes they don't even know about the rest of my family."

Shirley still remembered that one time when a student jokingly asked Lelouch and Suzaku if they planned to conquer the world together. Awkward didn't cover it.

"Is that why you left New Pendragon? To avoid the rumors?"

Lelouch averted his gaze and looked at his hands.

"Have you ever been to New Pendragon?"

"No. What is it like?"

"Hot. And dry. And generally awful," he said."Only when it's not. It's beautiful, and green, and it was built in the name of the Old Pendragon. Do you know what it means?"

"No."

"It means that people's memory is stronger there, that they _remember_. You can feel it everywhere. At almost every corner, there is a monument honoring the people that died in the F.L.E.I.J.A. explosion. At every store, you can buy Zero's mascots. And then there is the annual Zero Requiem day. And yes, people talk."

"And it bothers you?"

"It used to. Not so much now. That's why I'm going back there for studies."

"I see."

They stayed quiet for a while, before Shirley finally decided to speak.

"Do you know why I think it's funny?"

"No. Why?"

"Because I've seen you with Euphy, and I know that the two of you really care for each other. Because I saw Cornelia, and I know that despite her tough demeanor she's really happy for her sister. Because I heard you talk about your other cousins, and despite how much you complain about Clovis, you always buy his new paintings, and you are always happy for a chess match with Schneizel."

"Well, I never could get along with Guinevere and Carline, to be honest."

Shirley giggled.

"And I see you so often with your sister, and I know that you would do anything for her, as would she for you. The same goes for Suzaku."

"Well," he breathed, "that would never change."

"No," agreed Shirley, leaning her head on his shoulder. "But sometimes second chances are necessary for us to truly appreciate what we have."

"I love you."

"I love you too. And that's another thing that's never gonna change."

* * *

 _You'll come back_

 _When they call you_

* * *

Summer vacations came to an end faster than anyone could suspect, and it was time to leave for their separate universities.

"You're going to call, aren't you?"

"Of course. And I will visit you in New York next month."

Shirley smiled at that, standing on tiptoes to kiss her boyfriend.

It would be hard four years for the both of them, but she knew they'd manage it. After everything they've been through, a university was hardly something that would tear them apart.

"Alright. And the next time I'm coming to the New Pendragon. Better prepare your family for _that_ visit."

"I think it should be the other way round," replied Lelouch dryly.

"Nope. No matter how eccentric they are, I'm way worse."

Lelouch rolled his eyes and kissed her once again.

"Watch out for yourself, alright?"

"Sure. And the same goes for you. No illegal gambling!"

"Yeah, yeah."

"I'm serious, Lulu. It's dangerous!"

"Yes, yes, I know. Look, your plane's leaving in ten minutes, shouldn't you go already?"

"Oh, I hate you."

"And I love you. See you later?"

"…Yes. See you later."

* * *

" _Do you, Shirley Cortell, take Lelouch Avery to be your wedded husband, to cherish in love and in friendship, in strength and in weakness, in success and in disappointment, to love him faithfully, today, tomorrow, and for as long as the two of you shall live?_

" _I do."_

* * *

 _No need to say goodbye_


End file.
